Last weekend our parish hosted a marriage workshop called “Adventures in Marriage.” Over the course of three days, 22 couples spent time learning how to constructively work through challenges together, and by all accounts the program was very well-received. I was able to watch parts of the presentation and witness some of the exercises that the couples were doing. One in particular was eye-opening. The presenters asked the couples to stand back-to-back. Without looking behind them, they were asked to do the following: “Take one step forward for every dinner you did not eat together with your spouse this week. If work hours or stress has been a barrier to enjoying your marriage, take 3 steps forward. If you believe your marriage has fallen into a bit of a rut, take 2 steps forward. Take one step forward for every day you did not pray with your spouse this week. If the cell phone is a distraction in your marriage, take 4 steps forward. If your life feels overwhelming, take 3 steps forward. If either of you have taken your cell phone to bed at night instead of spending time together, take 1 big step forward. If you watch your own television shows in different rooms, take 2 steps forward. If life is managing you more than you are managing your own life, take 2 steps forward.” With this, the couples were asked to turn around. Although they began close together, by the end they were scattered all over the room. In fact, it was hard in some cases for people to easily locate their spouses. The presenters explained that the exercise is intended to show how easily the things of life can lead husbands and wives to drift apart without necessarily realizing it. Life happens, and suddenly they discover they have lost track of each other. And, they said, this is extremely common.
The couples, now facing each other from a distance, were then invited to do the following: “If you would like to develop a strategy together so that cell phones are not a distraction in your relationship, take 4 steps forward. If you want to put together a vision for your marriage and work toward it together, take 3 steps forward. If you would like to begin praying together as a couple, take 2 steps forward. If you would like to go on a date this week, take 3 steps forward. If you want to make it more of a priority to bond and connect as a couple, take 4 steps forward. If you would like to create together an atmosphere in your home that is full of love and joy and peace, take 2 steps forward. If you want to work on saying ‘NO’ to some things so that you can be together as a couple more often, take as many steps forward as it takes to be back together.” It was quite moving to see the body language of the couples as they returned to each other in response to the questions.
In the end, the exercise seemed to help the couples realize that, while drifting apart is something that usually happens without the couple knowing or intending it, coming back together doesn’t just happen. It requires conscious decisions and action plans designed to replace bad “drifting” habits with good “bonding” ones. That takes effective communication skills and a willingness to make sacrifices and be held accountable for the sake of the relationship. Because the health of the Church depends in large part on the health of marriages and families, I think these kinds of programs are important, and so we will have more of them in the future.
posted 2/22/25
The Parish of St. Cecilia-St. Gabriel 