Get Married 

These days, marriage is often dismissed or overlooked as an important institution for human flourishing. But in his new book Get Married, Brad Wilcox, a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, argues that “so many of the biggest problems across America are rooted in the collapse of marriage and family life.” In fact, “questions of marriage and family are often better predictors of outcomes for people than the topics that currently dominate our public conversation – like race, education, and government spending.”  

Wilcox points out that many of the young people he works with are focused primarily on their education and career, seeing those as more reliable guarantors of a successful and fulfilling life than marriage and family. They seem to have been conditioned to think this way. Wilcox cites a recent Pew Research Poll which found that “88 percent of parents believe that it is important for their kids to be financially independent, and the same share think it important that their kids have ‘careers they enjoy’ when they are adults.” The same poll found that only “21 percent said it is important their kids get married, and only 20 percent believed it to be important that their kids have children of their own.” How strange it is to consider that parents overwhelmingly appear to value good jobs for their kids more than grandchildren! It seems that young people (and their parents) have been socially conditioned to view marriage and family life as hindrances to personal achievement and fulfilment, freedom and financial security. They are commonly advised to postpone marriage and wait to start a family until their thirties, when they are already established and are ready to settle down. This advice might be well-intended, but it’s not necessarily conducive to preparing a young person well for a meaningful and happy life.  Wilcox writes: “When it comes to predicting overall happiness, a good marriage is far more important than how much education you get, how much money you make, how often you have sex, and, yes, even how satisfied you are with your work. Findings like these suggest that today’s young adults are mistaken to prioritize life goals related to work and money over marriage and family life.” 

Wilcox acknowledges throughout the book that family life can be challenging and that not every marriage is a happy one. But overall, the data indicates that marriage and family life have an enormous impact on the health of a society and its members. As a parish family, we should take this to heart, finding ways to help people, young and old, live their states of life well. We also should encourage young people to develop habits of sacrificial love now, as single people, to prepare them well to be good husbands and wives, fathers and mothers (or unmarried Catholics, priests, or religious!), that they might flourish in those relationships in good times and bad. 

posted 5/11/24