Friendship 

In his opening remarks at the recent “Symposium on Young American Men” in Washington DC, Supreme Knight Patrick Kelly of the Knights of Columbus spoke about a growing crisis of loneliness and isolation among young men in our society.  “It’s increasingly clear that millions of men no longer have friends who they can count on and who can spur them on to excellence…. More than a quarter of millennials say they have no close friends, and the rise of artificial intelligence has millions of young men looking for friendship in chatbots.” Pretty bleak stuff.  

It seems providential, then, that Pope Leo XIV recently declared St. John Henry Newman (1801-1890) the 38^th Doctor of the Church. A Doctor of the Church is a saint who made significant contributions to our understanding of the teachings of the Church through their exceptional insights and personal holiness. Beyond his seminal writings on conscience and the development of doctrine, Newman was also known for his great capacity for friendship. According to theologian Jacob Phillips, a professor at St. Mary’s University in Twickenham (UK), “every juncture in Newman’s life of faith was characterized by intense and decisive friendships.”  Phillips sees Newman as a saint who can teach a lonely age about friendship “because many of us now struggle to maintain friendship’s basic foundations: personal presence, attentiveness, and selfless concern for the other.”  

Newman’s remarkable gift for friendship flowed from his life of faith which was characterized by a total openness of his heart to God. Making an act of faith, like making a friend, is not like solving a math problem. Friendship, like faith, involves a movement of the heart.  It is the discovery of a person whom you wish to experience life with. For Newman, his greatest friends were those with whom he shared a love for truth, the source of which was Christ, the fullest expression of which was found in the Catholic Church. In this regard as well, Newman’s example has much to offer us today when so many seem adrift, without a sense of purpose, and vulnerable to the influence of dark ideologies. In his presentation, Patrick Kelly remarked, “we’ve always known that men need meaning in life and that a man’s ultimate meaning comes from his personal relationship with others and with God.” This model comes from the example of Christ and His Apostles, whom the Lord chose to be not just followers but His friends. Sharing with others the remarkable truth of that salvific friendship by preaching the gospel and building up the Church became their mission in life and sacred apostolate. If we are to continue their work today, “friendship is the key,” argues Kelly. No doubt Newman would agree. For it is not enough to know life’s meaning, as though it were an algebraic formula. As Christians we know life’s meaning must be lived. And it can only be lived authentically, that is, joyfully, if lived in friendship. St. John Henry Newman, the newest Doctor of the Church, has much to teach us about many things. May he also intercede on our behalf and help us to be better friends in Christ to each other. 

posted 11/15/25